A Low Hum
This week…I was all nerves.
All I needed to do was just get through the week. I was going to be driving down Friday or Saturday to my parents’ place, so I just had to get through work and a few other things. Easier said than done.
Early in the week my mom was in a lot of pain. Her surgery wasn’t until Thursday and she had been feeling ok last week, but things change. Suddenly I had a low hum of anxiety running underneath everything: should I leave earlier? Is she okay? Is this going to affect her surgery?
I also had other things on my mind. Teo had his musical this week, Lion King Kids, and I really didn’t want to miss that, so I stayed. I watched him perform and it was super cute and I’m glad I was there. But that anxiety was waiting for me when I got home. It was there while I worked, and cleaned up around the house, and slept (or…tried to sleep).
Finally, Friday after work I got in the car. Five hours. Rain the whole way, dark most of it. Just me and whatever was going through my head. I tried to occupy my mind with an audiobook and music but driving for that long alone, thoughts are bound to come out. I wasn’t dreading it exactly, I just knew I was driving toward something hard and uncertain.
Yesterday I was at the hospital…the whole day. We were there from ten in the morning until around six and my mom had a good day. My dad and I took a couple of walks when she needed to rest and I was letting him vent. He’s having a tough time and needs to let things out sometimes.
Again, things were pretty good…and then right as we were leaving, my mom ate some soup and got nauseous. She’s better now but it was definitely deflating that we left on that note, and there wasn’t anything we could do for her. It felt like a microcosm of my week: a moment of relief and then a new thing to worry about.
I’m going to be down here for most of the week and then driving to Virginia Thursday. I’m just planning on being present with my family while I’m here and taking things as they come.
Discuss