The Last 12 Months

Aug 05, 2026
Blog, Family, Life, Seriously
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I know it’s been a while since I posted anything. At first it was just me being exhausted on Sundays from playing ultimate or shooting videos or just needing a mental break, and then like a lot of things…I forgot and it stayed out of my mind. I’m not saying that I’m going to be regularly posting again, but I at least thought to do this now and we’ll see how it goes.

What I really wanted to talk about…was the last 12 months. My life has been crazy. I have had some great moments this year and some terrible ones. Probably the most rollercoaster of a year I’ve had in a long time. I’ve gone from being happy at my job, to losing my job, to getting a new one. I started shooting more videos, I got into a film festival, I’m working on a longer documentary, and I still feel like I don’t know much about making films. My mom got really sick, up and down with treatment, and currently in a good spot. I went to nationals for ultimate and actually won a game! It has seriously been a wild year. I’ve lost a lot, I’ve been lonely, I’ve gone to dark places; but I also feel like I’m finally starting to figure out who the fuck I am and what makes me happy. And I know that the target is always moving. Not necessarily always further away but it just…moves. Sometimes the same thing you’ve been doing doesn’t hit where it did before.

I’m sorry for rambling. I’ve just been thinking about my life a lot the last couple of days. Last night while I was trying to get Teo to sleep he was talking about wanting something really badly. And how he gets jealous that other people he knows have that thing and he gets upset. I told him…me too. I know exactly how he feels to want something and not be able to have it. It’s too expensive. It’s temporary. It’s what you want but not what you need. It’s not the right fit. And it sucks. I told him that he can think about the things he does have. The things he can do. The things that make him happy. Focusing on all the jealousy, the bad, the unattainable just makes you more frustrated, sad, lonely; but focusing on the things that make you happy, just make you happy. I need to take my own fucking advice. Will I get frustrated? Of course! Jealous? Lonely? Sad? Yep! But I can focus on the good things and maybe finally get some semblance of peace.

Thanks for listening. Reading? Just…thanks. If you’re reading this, it means we’ve been in each other’s orbit at some point in our lives and you’ve cumulatively nudged me to where I am now so don’t be a stranger.

Another Gap

Jun 14, 2026
Blog, Life
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Sorry for the hiatus. The first Sunday was me being exhausted; the second one was me completely forgetting. Life has been both hectic and normal and sometimes things get away from me.

So these last 2 weeks have been a lot of that: more of the same with some sprinkled bits here and there. I went to a gala event for the organization  that gave me a grant (GVCA) last week. I felt…kind of out of place; not knowing anyone and going by myself. I thought maybe going by myself would get me to maybe open up to any of the people there but it didn’t really seem like that kind of event and ultimately I felt a bit awkward. Kind of another version of imposter syndrome, thinking I just didn’t belong there.

I also went to this Startup Wednesday event which reminded me of a thing I did years ago called StartupBus. The premise of this was that you work on a new startup idea with a group of people, each Wednesday of the month of June. The team I’m part of is building an app that is kind of like…Pokemon Go meets art and media. It’s pretty fun and interesting to me but I also feel like I’m just stretching myself thin with that, the ultimate documentary, getting back into Ultivids, and just everything else I’ve got going on.

I’m pretty exhausted and really this has been the theme for me these last couple of weeks: being tired but also wanting to do all of the things and not disappoint people. I am feeling like things are trending in the positive, so there’s that at least. For now, I’ll leave things here and try to close out the rest of my Sunday.

k thx, byeeeee

A Week Home

May 24, 2026
Blog, Family, Life
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It’s been a while since I’ve done a video. I’ve kept up with the blog but I feel like I’ve been avoiding doing a vlog for too long. So…here we are.

This past week I was down in Somers visiting my family, working remotely and just being around the people I love. Some rough days, some good ones; nothing complicated.

In Sight; Top of Mind

May 17, 2026
Blog, Family, Life
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This week felt pretty uneventful even though I did do a bunch of stuff. Therapy and a RocDocs call Monday, Teo Tuesday, an interview on Wednesday, GRADA board meeting Thursday, and then an early night Friday because I knew I had an early start Saturday. 

I was originally planning to head down to my parents Sunday, but I hit a bit of a snafu with train tickets and ended up having to move things to Saturday instead. That meant rescheduling an interview I had planned, which was a little annoying, but it is what it is. I was on a train at 5:40am Saturday morning, which… yeah.

I’m visiting my parents this week, something I’ve been trying to do once a month. I missed April so I wanted to make sure I made it this month. Being further away and having that “out of sight, out of mind” mentality means I have to actually be intentional about it. There’s a reason I started doing this, and April was kind of a reminder of that. Being here makes me feel a bit closer to everyone, and a little better about things than when I’m up in Rochester.

The Spirit vs Score interviews keep moving forward and I’m still really excited about where the doc is going. More on that as things develop.

Anyway, that’s the week. Nothing dramatic, just a lot of the same.

Being Better

May 10, 2026
Blog, Life
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I’m exhausted. I’m going to say that upfront because it’s true and because it’s kind of the point.

This week I did two interviews and went to two different tryouts to get b-roll for the ultimate documentary. That’s a lot of production for one week, especially when you’re already running low. But I did it, and I’m glad I did.

I went into this week with a very familiar feeling of anxiety: that what I’m making isn’t good enough. That I don’t really know what I’m doing, that people are going to see through it eventually. This is something I’ve dealt with, probably all my life. But all of the things I’m doing seem to be heading in the right direction.

At both tryouts, people came up and asked what I was working on. Genuinely curious, genuinely excited. That doesn’t sound like a big deal but when you’ve got impostor syndrome like I do, it kind of is.

After one of my interviews, I admitted I was anxious about whether this was going to be good. If this documentary is going to mean something or tell the story I want to tell. The person I was talking to told me they thought I was professional, that I asked good questions, that I kept things moving. That’s a nice confidence boost.

One of the interviews also gave me a great moment: talking about how, as a coach, they are trying to make their players better, but finding out that for some of those same players they’re actually making them better people. That they’re part of that. I keep getting these great nuggets during these interviews and I really hope I can do it justice.

In other news, I hit a milestone this week. I’ve lost 11 pounds from the heaviest I’ve been, and I’m still going. I’m not just working on my diet and being physically healthy, I’m also working on my mental health. Setting better boundaries, trying to actually take care of myself. It’s a slow process but I’m working on being the best me I can be.

Thanks for reading. Happy Mother’s Day and I’ll be back next week.