Running on Empty
So yesterday (and today) I spent all day on the couch feeling like garbage. Sore throat, sweats, chills, no energy whatsoever. Honestly, it felt like my body was just done with me.
Two weeks into this job and I’m still very much the new guy. I don’t know too many people and already I’ve jumped between three different projects. Each one throwing me into codebases I don’t know, written by people I’ve never met, solving problems I’m still trying to understand. I talked to my older sister about this and her words definitely echo what I’ve been feeling: imposter syndrome is real.
I think the other thing is…this is all new. It’s not like the last company. Rivet was family. Nine years of knowing how things worked, knowing the people, having that comfort of belonging. This is different. I’m starting over, and starting over at 42 hits different than it would have at 25.
But the week wasn’t all code and imposter syndrome. Tuesday night as per usual was Teo night: Legos, pizza, some TV. He wasn’t going to his school group Wednesday morning so I let him sleep in a bit. Just good, easy time together. Thursday I had a RocDocs advisory board meeting, and Friday I met with the Production Alliance of Greater Rochester, another film group that someone suggested I check out. I definitely enjoy these groups and meeting these people. Gives me a boost trying to think about the film stuff I want to be doing.
Another thing that I started doing this week…applying for a grant for the ultimate frisbee documentary I’m trying to put together. It’s both exciting and terrifying. I’ve never done this before and now I’m dealing with imposter syndrome in stereo: am I good enough at this new job AND do I even deserve grant funding for my film work? Right now, the best I can do is just keep pushing through.
And now we’ve come back to Friday night and Saturday. Whatever hit me, it hit me hard. Complete lack of energy and just feeling shutdown. So I spent the day on the couch. Resting. Recovering. Letting my body do what it needed to do after all the stress of the week.
Maybe that’s part of the adjustment too. Learning to recognize when I’m doing too much, when things are piling up. That or I just got something that’s been going around. Either way, let’s see what this next week brings.
Discuss