Adding It All Up
It’s funny. I’m sitting here, Sunday morning (really almost afternoon), eating some high-protein cereal with Greek yogurt wondering why I’m not shooting a video. There is so much to unpack just in that one sentence, but I’ll give it a shot.
A couple of days ago I was mapping out what my video was going to be this week. Something about how the week started off a little rough and then I got some good news and things kind of bounced back. How I kind of rode on that high for a while and it felt good. I got a whole bunch done and I knew I was going to have a pretty good Saturday and that would be it. That would be my video. But my brain has different ideas of what I want to do and this is what you get. A blog instead of a video because I can’t seem to get over a mental block for a video, but writing is easier to do.
Monday was a normal day. I fell into work and stayed there all day, solving problems, fixing bugs, writing code; the usual. I knew that we were going to have a lot of people for Indoorables and I was hoping to go see a screening of the Oscar Live Action shorts at The Little so I skipped indoor for that. With the exception of one of the entries, I thought they were all really well done. The last short of the screening was particularly hilarious so it ended on a good note.
Even though I hadn’t gone to Indoorables, I still had a game for my draft league…at 10pm. Those late games are always rough but there was at least one good thing: I finally got a win for the season. We’re in the 6th week of this league, the first four weeks my team lost (some by just 1 point), and the last week my team got a tie, which really shouldn’t have happened but it did. And so, Monday night felt good, even if it was super late, I got my first win of the season and went home feeling pretty good about myself.
Tuesday morning comes and I am NOT feeling good. I’m getting chills and then sweating and my head is killing me; I’m not quite sure what’s happening but I try to muscle my way through work. By the time I’m supposed to have Teo, I feel like utter garbage. When I’m feeling like that I generally don’t have Teo come over so he doesn’t get sick and so when I do see him I can give him 100% of my attention and energy. Saying that makes me feel like a crappy dad but I’d rather not make him sick and also make it harder for me to take care of him and myself.
So yeah, I didn’t end up having Teo on Tuesday but I did talk to my sister, Tina, for a bit on the phone just about…all the different things going on right now. We had a good talk and I went to bed early, hoping that Wednesday would come with some better feelings and man did it deliver. I woke up feeling better. Not great, but better. I opened up my email and there was a message from the Genesee Valley Council on the Arts. My grant application for the ultimate documentary I’m working on (Spirit vs Score) was approved! It’s not a ton of money, but it definitely was a very validating moment; a committee saw the value in what I’m doing and wanted to help.
This news fueled me for the rest of the week. Work that day went quick. I started organizing bits of my life into tasks that I could manage to hopefully help with my ADHD. There was a renewed interest to eat a bit healthier and actually plan that out a bit more (remember when I mentioned Greek yogurt and cereal). I felt like I was floating on a cloud and that I was not only getting a lot done, but I was feeling a whole lot better. Not just from feeling sick the day before, but really from a life-outlook perspective. I stayed positive through the rest of the week. Went for walks when the weather was ok. I was shooting a bunch of video when I was out. I did some more planning for the documentary; all from this momentum.
Friday night came and even though I wasn’t really interested in going out, I still enjoyed myself staying in. I did a couple of things around the house, watched some tv, and then watched the documentary Come See Me In the Good Light. This movie wrecked me. Not necessarily in a bad way; it was super emotional and I gave myself permission to feel all of those feelings while watching it. It gave me a bit more perspective for what my mom is going through right now and also made me think about a lot of things that I know I need to work on myself.
Saturday, I slept in a bit, eventually got up and went out for a walk. I took a couple of my cameras out in case I got any ideas for shooting and just went out for about an hour and a half. I knew I wanted to get some movement in and it was a decent day outside so I thought I could get some b-roll that I’d use for the video that I was OBVIOUSLY going to put out today. Got back to the house, relaxed for a little bit and then headed out to watch a documentary about the Rochester subway. I thoroughly enjoyed this and the more I watch documentaries the more ideas I get for my own; things I want to do or specific technical stuff I want to take note of.
I finished up my Saturday with a “Books n’ Things” club with some of my friends. Basically, we treated it like a book club but not necessarily talking about any one specific book, more just what we’re reading/watching/listening to and how all of those things intertwine. My buddy also made pizza from scratch so that was a nice extra little thing. I went home, watched SNL and then passed out.
And now, here we are; at the end of this long post that probably should have been a video. When I first sat down thinking that I hadn’t really done much this week, I was pleasantly surprised. I realized that sometimes my brain likes to trick me. That my usual go-to is self-deprecation. Telling myself that I didn’t do anything or that I didn’t do anything of consequence. And now as I’m looking back at the week I know that I did and I need to start thinking better of myself.
Discuss