Being Better
I’m exhausted. I’m going to say that upfront because it’s true and because it’s kind of the point.
This week I did two interviews and went to two different tryouts to get b-roll for the ultimate documentary. That’s a lot of production for one week, especially when you’re already running low. But I did it, and I’m glad I did.
I went into this week with a very familiar feeling of anxiety: that what I’m making isn’t good enough. That I don’t really know what I’m doing, that people are going to see through it eventually. This is something I’ve dealt with, probably all my life. But all of the things I’m doing seem to be heading in the right direction.
At both tryouts, people came up and asked what I was working on. Genuinely curious, genuinely excited. That doesn’t sound like a big deal but when you’ve got impostor syndrome like I do, it kind of is.
After one of my interviews, I admitted I was anxious about whether this was going to be good. If this documentary is going to mean something or tell the story I want to tell. The person I was talking to told me they thought I was professional, that I asked good questions, that I kept things moving. That’s a nice confidence boost.
One of the interviews also gave me a great moment: talking about how, as a coach, they are trying to make their players better, but finding out that for some of those same players they’re actually making them better people. That they’re part of that. I keep getting these great nuggets during these interviews and I really hope I can do it justice.
In other news, I hit a milestone this week. I’ve lost 11 pounds from the heaviest I’ve been, and I’m still going. I’m not just working on my diet and being physically healthy, I’m also working on my mental health. Setting better boundaries, trying to actually take care of myself. It’s a slow process but I’m working on being the best me I can be.
Thanks for reading. Happy Mother’s Day and I’ll be back next week.
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