The Last 12 Months

Aug 05, 2026
Blog, Family, Life, Seriously
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I know it’s been a while since I posted anything. At first it was just me being exhausted on Sundays from playing ultimate or shooting videos or just needing a mental break, and then like a lot of things…I forgot and it stayed out of my mind. I’m not saying that I’m going to be regularly posting again, but I at least thought to do this now and we’ll see how it goes.

What I really wanted to talk about…was the last 12 months. My life has been crazy. I have had some great moments this year and some terrible ones. Probably the most rollercoaster of a year I’ve had in a long time. I’ve gone from being happy at my job, to losing my job, to getting a new one. I started shooting more videos, I got into a film festival, I’m working on a longer documentary, and I still feel like I don’t know much about making films. My mom got really sick, up and down with treatment, and currently in a good spot. I went to nationals for ultimate and actually won a game! It has seriously been a wild year. I’ve lost a lot, I’ve been lonely, I’ve gone to dark places; but I also feel like I’m finally starting to figure out who the fuck I am and what makes me happy. And I know that the target is always moving. Not necessarily always further away but it just…moves. Sometimes the same thing you’ve been doing doesn’t hit where it did before.

I’m sorry for rambling. I’ve just been thinking about my life a lot the last couple of days. Last night while I was trying to get Teo to sleep he was talking about wanting something really badly. And how he gets jealous that other people he knows have that thing and he gets upset. I told him…me too. I know exactly how he feels to want something and not be able to have it. It’s too expensive. It’s temporary. It’s what you want but not what you need. It’s not the right fit. And it sucks. I told him that he can think about the things he does have. The things he can do. The things that make him happy. Focusing on all the jealousy, the bad, the unattainable just makes you more frustrated, sad, lonely; but focusing on the things that make you happy, just make you happy. I need to take my own fucking advice. Will I get frustrated? Of course! Jealous? Lonely? Sad? Yep! But I can focus on the good things and maybe finally get some semblance of peace.

Thanks for listening. Reading? Just…thanks. If you’re reading this, it means we’ve been in each other’s orbit at some point in our lives and you’ve cumulatively nudged me to where I am now so don’t be a stranger.

A Week Home

May 24, 2026
Blog, Family, Life
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It’s been a while since I’ve done a video. I’ve kept up with the blog but I feel like I’ve been avoiding doing a vlog for too long. So…here we are.

This past week I was down in Somers visiting my family, working remotely and just being around the people I love. Some rough days, some good ones; nothing complicated.

In Sight; Top of Mind

May 17, 2026
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This week felt pretty uneventful even though I did do a bunch of stuff. Therapy and a RocDocs call Monday, Teo Tuesday, an interview on Wednesday, GRADA board meeting Thursday, and then an early night Friday because I knew I had an early start Saturday. 

I was originally planning to head down to my parents Sunday, but I hit a bit of a snafu with train tickets and ended up having to move things to Saturday instead. That meant rescheduling an interview I had planned, which was a little annoying, but it is what it is. I was on a train at 5:40am Saturday morning, which… yeah.

I’m visiting my parents this week, something I’ve been trying to do once a month. I missed April so I wanted to make sure I made it this month. Being further away and having that “out of sight, out of mind” mentality means I have to actually be intentional about it. There’s a reason I started doing this, and April was kind of a reminder of that. Being here makes me feel a bit closer to everyone, and a little better about things than when I’m up in Rochester.

The Spirit vs Score interviews keep moving forward and I’m still really excited about where the doc is going. More on that as things develop.

Anyway, that’s the week. Nothing dramatic, just a lot of the same.

Looking, Not Finding

Apr 05, 2026
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Sorry it’s been a while; the last 2 weeks have been a bit hectic. I spent a week back home with my dad while my mom was recovering from surgery, and then drove straight to Virginia for Fools Fest. Came back and finally processed all of it in therapy. This one’s about loneliness, and the difference between looking for something and finding it.

Back to Normal?

Jan 04, 2026
Blog, Family, Life
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First full week back after the holidays. Back to work, back to routine, back to trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life.

Work was fine. Still adjusting, still feeling like I’m playing catch-up. I don’t need to say the “i” word again. I feel like I’ve said it enough this last month (it’s still there). But I’m showing up, doing the work, trying to learn. That’s about all I can do right now.

Wednesday was New Year’s Eve. I could’ve stayed home, but some friends were doing a low-key, game night thing. The weather was shit: snow, ice, terrible driving conditions, but I went anyway. Drove through it, showed up, hung out with people. It was nice to spend some time with people and not think about all the other crap going on.

I posted something on Facebook a few days ago about how 2025 has been a lot. About the tailspin in September, stopping drinking, trying to be better at all the things I feel like I’m failing at. I wasn’t really expecting much from it, just needed to get it out there. But a bunch of people reached out. Messages, comments, people checking in.

Here’s the weird thing: it helped. I still feel a bit lonely but it’s nice knowing people are there. That people care and want me to succeed. Do I still feel like I’m failing? Of course. But this was a nice boost for me to actually do something about it. My job has an employee assistance program that includes counseling. So I got the ball rolling; I don’t know what’s going to come from it, but it feels like the right move. I’ve been trying to work through all this stuff: the separation, the job change, the sobriety, being a better person. And I’m realizing that maybe I need some real help to do it.

It’s not like flipping a switch where suddenly everything’s better. But it’s a step. Another thing I’m showing up for, even when I don’t feel ready or confident about it.

The documentary stuff is still moving forward. Working on grant applications, editing sample footage. Ultimate is still happening. The weekly posts are still happening. Life keeps going whether I feel ready for it or not.

Today I’m taking some time in the kitchen. Pickling some vegetables, brining salmon, making spreadable tofu, and frying up spicy cabbage pancakes. It’s one of those things that helps me work through stuff. Being creative with food, experimenting, making something with my hands. It’s a good reminder that not everything has to be about solving problems or fixing things. Sometimes you just make savory pancakes.

See you next week.